FAQ / Problem Scenarios

1. You are shopping at the mall and your Little finds something they want and they ask you to buy it for them.

Buying things for your Little may compromise the health of your match. It sets up an expectation of what the mentoring relationship will be. If the child learns that you will buy them things, they may expect and even ask for gifts, which may leave you resentful over time. Learn to say no, and be prepared to articulate why this is important for the friendship.

2. You are at the movie theater and your Little wants to see an R-rated movie and says their mother does not have a problem with this type of movie. They may also want to see a movie that you don’t approve of viewing.

You must get parental approval before you allow a child over the age of 13 to see an R-rated movie. However, if your Little is 13 or older and has parental approval, but you are uncomfortable with this decision, you should say no to your Little. Do not compromise your own values to satisfy the child.

3. Your Little tells you he/she has a secret that makes them uncomfortable. They will tell you if you promise not to tell anyone else.

Do not make promises that you cannot keep. In some circumstances the child may be alluding to physical or sexual abuse, and in this scenario, you are required to report such disclosures to DCFS. Explain to the child you will determine whether or not it should be kept a secret. You are also encouraged to inform your case manager.

4. You do something special for your Little by really going out of your way and they do not say thank you or acknowledge what you did. As a matter of fact, they seldom say thank you and neither does their parent.

If the parent rarely shows their thanks, then it’s very likely that the child has not learned the importance of manners and will need your help in this area. When you are out with your Little, be sure to model these behaviors to clerks and food servers and send thank-you notes when you receive tickets from the agency.

5. Your Little seems to have become too busy to go out with you. You are questioning whether they still want to be matched.

Take your Little to a neutral spot and ask them how they feel about your friendship. If the child is quiet and unexpressive, check with your Case Manager to see if there are problems at school or home that may be affecting the match.

6. With every outing you go on, you decide what you and your Little are going to do. Your Little is complacent, goes with the flow, and never makes any suggestions.

Give the child some ideas for activities and tell them that you need their decision by a certain time in order to make plans. If the child is still indecisive, call your Case Manager for more ideas.

7. You run into scheduling problems with your Little and their parent and you find several weeks are passing with out getting together.

Call your Case Manager and let them know about your scheduling problems. The Case Manager can call the family and alert them to the reasons for your absence and arrange for an alternative plan until your schedule evens out. If the family is hard to reach and you are wondering if they are still interested in the match, call your Case Manager.

8. You arrive to pick up your Little and find that no one is home or they have forgotten. This has happened before and is beginning to frustrate you.

Leave a note and ask them to call you when they get home. For future outings, be sure to call the family before the outing to make sure they are ready; you may also want to call the day before. Make it clear to the family that you need their cooperation in order to make this match successful. Another helpful way to handle scheduling issues is with match calendars, which are given out at the first meeting.

9. Your Little never calls you after having been matched for some time.

It’s normal for children to be apprehensive about using the phone. Young children have not learned these skills and may need your help. Older kids need constant reinforcement to make this a priority. Let them know that you would like them to call and teach them how to leave a message on your recorder.

10. You are on your outing and your Little says s/he is hungry and hasn’t eaten lunch. This has happened before.

Call in advance of the outing and make sure your Little is ready and has eaten first. Keep snacks in the car for a child who is on medication and needs a quick boost. If this continues to happen, pack a lunch or pick up fruit at the grocery store rather than going out to eat.

11. You return your Little home after your outing and no one is home.

Do not leave your Little home alone unless the parent has given you permission to do so and the child is 12 years old or older. Make it clear to the parent when they arrive home that you need their cooperation in order to make this match work. Contact your case manager if this is a problem.

12. After several outings together you have noticed that your Little has a problem with body odor and cleanliness.

There are a few ways that you can tackle this topic. You can have a direct discussion with your Little about the importance of good personal hygiene or you can take the child shopping at a nearby drug store and talk about the various products that you use. Remember that this is a teachable opportunity for you and your Little. Do not be embarrassed; the child will benefit from your guidance.

13. Your Little asks if a friend or sibling can come along on your outing.

Remind your Little that this is a one-on-one friendship. Talk to the parent/child about their expectations for the match and clarify what your own expectations are. Call your Case Manager if you need further assistance.

Remember: Always utilize your Case Manager should any of these issues arise.